To our friends and family near and far, I promise to make an effort to update this blog more regularly so you can see all that goes on in baby Bruce's life.

After Bruce was born, he had a bunch of visitors in the hospital to see him on days 1 and 2. The hospital was a whirlwind of learning how to breastfeed, visiting with friends and family and my co-workers, making sure Bruce's labs were all complete and figuring out when to sneak in some sleep. On Monday April 1st, we brought him home...but not until I had my very first postpartum meltdown. Postpartum hormones are no joke I tell you. I don't know what set me off, but Chris basically spent the whole ride home with two crying babies in the back seat. We spent our first day settling in at home and again, figuring out breastfeeding (aka, please stop screaming baby and just latch!) and sleeping.

The next morning, we went back to the hospital to the Newborn Club, where they assess the baby's weight, see how breastfeeding is going, and check his bilirubin (jaundice) level. Bruce went from a plump 8 pounds 1 ounce at birth, down to 7 pounds 2.6 ounces - an 11% weight loss. His bilirubin level was also elevated. To decrease his bilirubin level, he needs to eat and poop more, but of course only 3 days after birth, my body hasn't quite caught up to making enough breast milk for him. The lactation consultant recommended we supplement his feedings with formula. My heart sank...the one thing I needed to do for my baby, make sure he's fed, I couldn't do. Reluctantly we learned alternative feeding methods other than just feeding him a bottle of formula. Chris attaches a tube to his finger and the tube is connected to a syringe of formula. Bruce sucks on Chris' finger and drinks in the formula. Bruce still has to make the strong effort of sucking, which will help with breastfeeding. Drinking from a bottle requires much less effort to get the milk and after too many bottles he may give up all together on nursing. Well, after days of what seemed like a screaming baby after each session of nursing, after Chris fed Bruce for the first time, he was OUT. I felt so bad for not being able to provide what my baby needed.

After our visit to the Newborn Club, we went to the lab to have Bruce's blood drawn to check on his bilirubin levels. At home, we did more attempts at breastfeeding, then I'd pump after and Chris would do the finger feeding with Bruce. Bruce got a visit from his two great grandmas, his great grandpa and his great aunt in the afternoon. Afterwards, the nurse at the Newborn Club called me and said Bruce's bilirubin levels were increasing and he needs phototherapy to help with his jaundice. Great. A bili blanket was delivered to our house 4 hours later. Bruce needs to lay on this light and be swaddled as close to 24/7 as possible. He should only be off the light for diaper changes. Do you know how hard it is to try to breastfeed a baby connected to this bili blanket? Hard! Well, another night of a screaming baby, Chris doing feeds while I pump and trying to keep him on this bili blanket. I had my second melt down. I cried because my baby was losing weight, we can't figure out how to get him to latch and even if he does, I don't have enough milk to feed him enough to make him full. Chris is being the absolute best husband and father right now. He held me and consoled me, and reminded me that we just need to take this day by day, doing whatever we need to to keep our boy healthy.

Today, we went back to the Newborn Club to do a weight check and assess breastfeeding. No weight gain or loss, but after having his blood drawn (again - 4th so far in his life!) we found out his bilirubin level is still increasing. More time on the bili blanket, need to increase the amount of formula we're supplementing and I need to continue pumping to make sure that when the time comes, when he's ready to wean off formula and move more onto breast milk, I have the supply to keep up with him. After going to the hospital, we took Bruce to his first outing - to Whole Foods. We stocked up our fridge so we have one less thing ("well, now what do we eat...?") to worry about.

Tomorrow we're going back to the Newborn Club for a weight check. They might redraw another bilirubin level too.

These last 4 days have been so chaotic and I feel like I'm just trying to play catch up all the time. While I can't wait for Bruce to meet all our friends and family, right now we need to focus on him staying on his bili blanket, work on breastfeeding, make sure he gets enough formula afterwards so he's peeing and pooping adequately to lower his bilirubin level, and I need to continue to pump. If his bilirubin level gets too high, he'll have to be readmitted to the hospital.

Once Bruce's feedings become a little more under control and consistent, his bilirubin level drops and we can get rid of this bili blanket, I think we'll be up for having visitors. Right now, between figuring out all of these things with trips to the Newborn Club daily, we're pooped.

Bruce and Chris have been napping for close to an hour now, so I know that means right as I lay my head on the pillow, Bruce will start to wake up and we'll start the whole breastfeeding/formula/pumping/diaper change routine all over again. I love this little boy so much and will do whatever he needs me to. Off to try to nap for at least 15 minutes. More baby Bruce updates to come.