My amazing skill to be able to sleep anywhere for any amount of time seems to be slipping away day by day. I haven't slept well or felt 100% rested in nearly a month. All my awake time is filled with worry of planning out my sleep. My life is filled with multiple 3-5 hour "sleeps." Not naps, not a full night's rest, just "sleeps." I can't tell you the last time I slept for more than 6 hours at a time.

I haven't seen my family since the 4th of July, almost 2 full months now, because of my work and sleep schedule. My dad called me the other day and told me a story that broke my heart. My brother's girlfriend called the house and my dad answered and asked, "how's Christopher?" and she told him it wasn't me.

I miss my dad, step mom, brothers and sister so much. I miss going to my family home and just being. I miss being a part of all the hustle and bustle. I miss all the action. I miss the puppies. Of course, if I don't even have time to see my own family, I don't have time to see any of Chris' family. I feel like it's been ages since we've just hung out with his family. His sisters are in high school now and I didn't get to make use of their summer vacation and have a fun beach day like I had promised. My heart is breaking over all these precious relationships I have that seem to be slipping due to my lack of attention and energy to keep them thriving.

I'm going to be completely truthful, while typing this out I'm crying over my sleep stress.

I've been working 5 nights a week, but rarely do I get those two nights off in a row. Chris is very supportive and really encourages me to sleep, rest, relax and eat when I feel like I need to, because he sees how I drag and dread going into work when I'm not rested.

I give kudos not only to the people who are "night shift lifers," but also to their family members. I look forward to the day when night shift is not my normal shift. I want to function like a normal person again. I want to see my family more than once every other month. I want to enjoy day time and sunshine instead of sleeping all these beautiful days away.

My night shift co-workers have become my second family and I hate to leave them. I love the culture of night shift, the way the unit runs from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. However, I know work is only work and can be gone in the blink of an eye. My relationships, my family, my own sanity, are more important.